who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
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