I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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