I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
