she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
