hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
