Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
