Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
did i just pee glitter
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