OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I AM VODKA MAN
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
