She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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