I accidentally burped into my bong.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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