Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
