Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
