thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
