so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
