what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
