I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
