Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
