When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
