I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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