I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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