I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
