either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
