Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
