My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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