Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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