Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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