oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
