he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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