i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
being pregnant is like rehab
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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