Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
