you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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