that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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