So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
