She said her name was "party"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
