you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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