Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
