I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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