I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
