Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
he just fucked me for my cheese..
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
