hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
