My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
