glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
