Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
