Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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