She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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