Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
