Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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