I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
