It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Randomize
