I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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