i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
