my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
