there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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