Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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