Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
