Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
