All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
