3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
It's Friday. Sex?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
